How to handle a one night stand according to your zodiac sign

In her modern masterpiece ” Pisces priestess waxes poetic about the chase and chasers that come with a one night stand:

“Boy, c’mon and get my rocks off/Come put a little love in my glove box/ Wanna dance, with no pants on?/Meet me in the back with the Jack at the jukebox/ So cut to the chase kid, ’cause I know you don’t care what my middle name is/ I wanna be naked and you’re wasted.”

A one night stand or one-night sex is defined as a singular sexual encounter (a glove box love deposit, no pants dance or otherwise) that takes place outside of the confines of a committed relationship. The get down comes with the understanding that there will be no expectations of further relations or communication between consenting partners.

Sounds like a Saturday night to me, folks.

The term one night stand is derived from the common practice of a one night only or single performance by a musician or entertainer at an assigned venue.

Susan Cheever writes about the YOLO urgency of a one night stand in her standout essay “A one-night stand is the erotic manifestation of carpe diem— only we are seizing the night instead of the day.”

There is an inherent vitality to the one night stand/random hookup, the specific thrill of the impulsive and the illicit, a chance to stand outside of time and fully in desire. Rules suspend, fantasies are realized and sometimes, there’s room service or more likely, a Solo cup filled with melted ice, swill liquor and lover’s spit.

In the spit and spirit of carpe noctem and the erotic potential of an evening, afternoon or well timed ten minutes in a stranger’s company, we bring you a guide to how each zodiac sign can and should handle a one night stand.

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

The truly wonderful (and oft compromising) thing about you is that you do not hold back. A one night stand becomes an opportunity to pull out all of the sexual stops not a timid exercise in warming to a stranger. Knowing you may never see a particular partner again becomes even more of a reason to bring in toys, tricks, pyrotechnics and A-game antics.

This is all very sex-positive and exciting but remember in all your hot blooded, let’s get weird, athletic/gladiatorial approach to f—ing, that you slow down to appreciate the person in the bed/ring/bar bathroom with you. Savor the sensation, and resist the urge to high five after orgasming and/or make a getaway while struggling to put your pants on.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

Turns out , you can be cool without being cold. For all your Venusian vibes and carnal appetites you can come across stoic after the act itself. It is possible to break bread and crack a smile with a one time paramour without inviting commitment or, gasp, cuddling.

The bull aversion to sticking around after sticking it in is perhaps best described by , “I’m the kind of girl who looks over in the morning and is like, ‘Do you really have to be here?’ I don’t need to cuddle and do all that stuff because I know what it is and I don’t try to make it more.” Hot take; you can honor not making it more without making your partner feel like less!

GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)

folk are oxygenated by banter and turned on by the new and novel making a one night stand with a highly verbal stranger a sacred act of consecrated conversation.

Few signs are as adept at appreciating the moment for what it is and then promptly disassociating from expectation and/or distracting themselves from the experience. The best thing you can do post one night stand is to write about it so you can revisit it for future fun, fodder and fantasy.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

folk usually only indulge in one night stands when actively on the mend from heartbreak. Nostalgic AF they are apt to call their one time lover by their ex’s name and cry when they come.

Cancers can find more pleasure and less pain by framing the hook up as a singular erotic experience that they won’t have be able to engage in when they are inevitably monogamously committed again. It can be sweet without being serious and poignant without being prolonged.

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

Under the right circumstances, one night stands can feel very much like a limited edition performance and if there is one thing a loves, it is the opportunity to be the celebrated, breathlessly desired star of the show. Leos will cast a wide and curious net when it comes to strangers they deem special occasion f—able as their only real criteria is a wanton willingness to worship at the altar of their ego.

Natural hams they will go all out to make sure their audience, cough, lover, is left dazzled and depleted. A word to lions on the prowl, you have nothing to prove and feeling desire is every bit as important as feeling desired.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

While folk are and are at heart hedonistic bark eating, armpit sniffing, sex loving freaks they are and heady as the day is long. With a new and impermanent partner they tend to feel anxious, skeptical and unduly guarded.

A great way to combat this is with a little bit of MDMA and a subliminal recording that reminds them that we are all animals, we are all going to die, shame is a social construct intended to neuter joy and brief interludes of intimacy are our best defense against despair.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

A great way to combat this is with a little bit of MDMA and a subliminal recording that reminds us that we are all animals, we are all going to die, shame is a social construct intended to neuter joy and brief interludes of intimacy are our best defense against despair.

Ah , with your affability, breezy compliments, consistent eye contact and general schmaltz you may be the most dangerous player in the game of one night stands.

Ruled by Venus with an emphasis on reciprocity and people pleasing, Libras work hard to ensure all parties are sexually satisfied and feel good in the morning.

It’s hard to say what a Libra fears more, conflict or commitment. In kind and post hook up they are apt to lead lovers on with no real intention of giving more. Be cruel to be kind my babies and practice clarity and clear expectations before, during and after you get it on.

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

While we respect your right to privacy and preference for secrecy , you can be punishingly nonchalant when a one night stand spills the details of your sexcapades.

Case in point, who claimed not to know after she rated his d–k game an 11 out of ten and publicly confirmed their hook up. You can press for discretion and also practice forgiveness.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

folk, like fellow mutable sign Gemini, love the adventure promised by a one night stand. Much like a crime spree or soap opera, all things are possible and with a Sag.

The anonymity of this kind of encounter lends itself to letting the proverbial freak flag fly and the carnal carnival commence. Good natured, archer are the sort to leave a lover with the knowledge that fun was had and no further expectations should be held.

All well and good but Sagittariaans would do well to deliver that message with a touch more couth and a shot less nonchalance. As an aside, if you are a Sagittarius like former NYC mayor John Lindsay and you during the tenure of your tryst, make like the man and send flowers and an apology letter. Sharing is caring and written remorse reigns supreme.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

, ruled by structured Saturn are business minded, emotionally objective and absolutely strategic in all matters, casual sex included. They have a tendency to view all exchanges, bodily and otherwise as transactional. Understandably, this vibe can make a one night paramour feel cheap and wholly regretful.

As a PSA to sea goats, kindness is not a legally binding contract nor is decency promissory. We KNOW you have work in the morning and can’t bear the thought of sharing a bed or paying for brunch but you don’t have to be a d–k about it.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

feels oddly at ease in relationships with a short shelf life and minimal expectations. Rulers of space travel and the unknown frontiers they have the ability to apply a similar exploratory energy to sexual interludes.

The aloofness of water bearers is well documented and after getting hot it is disquietingly easy for them to go cold. A sonic encapsulation of this fact can be found in the lyrics to song “Baby I’m a pro at letting go. I love it when they come and go.” Indeed Abel but even and especially when the physical act doesn’t anything, you can still treat people like they matter.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

folk must be cautious about casting one night stands in the role of recurring characters. Deep romantics with a tendency to get starry eyed at best and delusional at worst about the merits of a potential partner, their best bet for a one night stand is to play the part of unicorn to an experimental couple with open minds and clear boundaries.

Astrology 101: Your guide to the stars